Stop yelling at your kids - Calm Parenting
Yelling your way to parenting is no fun! Here is how to steer clear of the bad vibes of screaming!
Being a mom is as rewarding as it is tough, but no matter how difficult it gets at the end of the day a kid's smile and unconditional love makes it all worth it, doesn't it?
Sometimes (Read: EVERY SINGLE TIME), the kids know exactly how to get on your nerves. They hit the right chord where you know it hurts the most and before you know it, you're yelling at the top of your voice. You want to fix every problem right away and you often forget that things take TIME. But that's okay ladies, we know how overwhelming parenting can get!
That's how it's supposed to be sometimes (Read: EVERY GODDAMN TIME) tough, most times fun. You need to know yelling is NEVER the answer to your solutions, it scares your kid, makes you feel terrible and honestly doesn't even work in the long run.
Do you know the effects yelling has on kids? Let’s shine some light on that bit, shall we?
When a toddler is yelled at, his brain releases signals to fight, flight, or freeze. He may get angry and hit you. He may get scared and run away from you or simply freeze without having no understanding of what to do next. These reactions can have long-term adverse effects on their brain formation and functioning and can create feelings of anxiety, low self-esteem and aggression in the long run. If the yelling becomes a continuous act then their fight, flight or freeze reactions will become permanent too. You don't want your temporary anger to affect your little kid's mind permanently.
Our idea was not to send you on a guilt trip! We want to help you be aware and make informed choices about your parenting preference. And hence, it's time you switch to the phrase of the millennium: POSITIVE-PARENTING!
Choose yell-proof conversations and calm-talk over anger and frustration, which does more harm than you are aware of!
It is important to talk politely and respectfully to children while simultaneously implementing the rules of conduct you wish to maintain within your house. Instead of being angry at your kids for their mistakes, sit back and patiently talk to them. Ask them what made them do wrong and how they can do better in the future. This will develop positive behaviour in your child.
Here are some anti-yelling techniques that you need to learn to change yourself for the good:
1. Follow the 5x5 rule
When you know you're losing it and the next thing you're going to do is burst out, then quickly escape from the place of conflict for the next 5 minutes. Sit back and breathe while thinking about 5 things that you can do to make the situation better. It's always considered a smart move to avoid a yelling position rather than regretting it later. Assess your behaviour, understand if the anger is needed at all or it was just your instant reaction. Analyse and calmly take the next step. And VOILA! We just dodged the bullet of unwanted screaming!
2. Discipline them firmly, but don't punish them
Tell them that you disapprove of their actions and that their inappropriate behaviour will not be accepted. But also let them know that it will not change how much you love them. Rather than getting angry at them for their mistakes tell them, how it's very normal to make some. Ditch the anger and focus on problem-solving. Show them how you guys are one team and can come out from the situation both wiser and smarter.
3. Embrace the special bond of mother & child
Tell them how emotions play a big role in life and how it is okay to feel them deeply. Talk to them about what makes you angry and make them understand your reasons. Ask them how they feel in certain situations. Children and parents with stronger emotional bonds tend to have a better understanding and fewer conflicts.
MKB Pro tip: Prevention of conflicting situations is always better than working over it later. Bond with them so well, so neither of you waste time in being upset.
4. Love always wins!
You need to shift your behaviour from prompt anger to kind words. Try to operate everything from a space of love and empathy. No matter how annoyed you are, for once try to drop the anger and choose to act more softly and kindly. Explaining what is making you angry and how they should not continue to do it will certainly. (We know it is not as easy as it sounds but no matter how much effort it takes, you know your adorable little one is worth it!)
5. Do we say this enough? LEAD BY EXAMPLE!
Children always observe what parents do and often replicate their behaviour. It is very important to make your kids learn a healthy way to channel their anger and frustration and there is no better way to do it than teaching them by example. You sure want to set up a good one! So say good-bye to yelling and hello to peaceful problem-solving.
Now you know exactly what you're supposed to do the next time you're about to yell at your kid for not completing the tasks that you asked him to or for doing it wrong all over again! Yell-free love is all that you need. By adding these simple habits into your life, you will not only make your child feel valued but will also teach them the right way to deal with their anger and frustration.
But if you still someday end up yelling at your child, then know that it's okay. As long as you work on getting rid of the toxic habit, you are going to be good. Remember no mom is perfect and mistakes are an inevitable part of parenting. But we hope you learn from it and try to be a better mom in every way, we know you do! Good luck with this rollercoaster called motherhood. You have our blessing to resist the yelling away!
We really saved you with the wisdom mentioned above, right? You can thank us by motivating our mom tribe with your unique experiences of motherhood. Share with us that one thing that you do to control your anger, every time your kid makes you pull your hair out in frustration!